Life is death

why are you frightened of dying
if you haven't done anything else but

dying

all life long?

außerweltlichkeit

...und nun sitze ich also hier, nach einem weiteren tag, an meinem schreibtisch, rauchend, und tippe diesen text, ohne überhaupt zu wissen, was ich schreiben soll oder will. ich habe nun fast für ein ganzes jahr meine tätigkeit an diesem blog unterbrochen. vielleicht weil ich nichts zu sagen hatte? nein. vielleicht einfach, weil zu vieles geschehen ist, und ich zu sehr damit beschäftigt war, mich selbst neu zu definieren. ich möchte auf die einzelheiten gar nicht weiter eingehen, ich möchte, dass dieser blog (weiterhin) wie ein gedicht außerhalb von raum und zeit existiert, nur meine gedankenwelt erfasst.
ob ich es schaffen werde, das schreiben konsequent fortzusetzen? ich weiß es nicht, kann es nicht versprechen. was ich sagen kann, ist, dass ich es irgendwie mag, mich abends an meinen pc zu setzen und zu beobachten, wie vor meinen augen langsam ein text entsteht. diese momente der stille und (selbst)reflexion sind sehr wertvoll. und ja - vielleicht bereite ich sogar dem einen oder anderen eine kleine freude damit, schaffe auch für andere einen moment der ruhe und der außerweltlichkeit.

she - thirsty as hell

loneliness is the sensation of not feeling loved. enough.
besides the fear to never find home, her biggest fear and biggest insecurity is to not be loved. to be taken more or less randomly for someone to feel less lonely, because her greatest talent is to be able to love and to be very patient. for the rest, she's just a strange 18-year old human being getting stranger every day.
so, she continues giving, spreading love... of course, love is selfless and it is given just to be given, love is what it is. but she doesn't deny that she always, always hopes to get some back but it's always too little for a person like her, thirsty as hell.
she tends to give more and get less and this is destroying her.
lonely as devil down there, not even seen.
where is she?

se il sole muore

se il sole muore
e la luna piange
cosa rimane
in un mondo senza luce?

a pretty new one about... yes, about what?

When I close my eyes

I can see infinity

when I open them

I lose myself in yours.

The more I try to see

the less I understand

the presence of the past

the essence of the future.

Where am I now

I found myself in the eye of the storm

where there is total calm

I get confused by everything quirling around me.

I'd rather want to be in the middle

feeling everything, not only observing

I'd rather be with those quirly things

accepting that I can't hold anything.

Illusion or reality?

what exists and whats doesn't

doesn't matter at the end

reality is what you think.

Dreams as hope and love

are nothing for the weak

the world belongs to those who cry

and do not fear infinity.

an old one about waiting and about hope

only the moment matters 

like a good song
where the tension
slowly grows and you wait
for the beat to drop
to let go off everything
and feel pure happiness
    
so is life
it goes up and down
good things come slowly
it takes time of calm
to freak out        
and then      

only the moment matters

an old one about not feeling anything anymore

something in me died
autumn's coming
snow is beginning to fall
up there high in the mountains
snow is beginning to fall
even down there deep inside me
hiding what was alive once
but isn't any longer
and still didn't rise like jesus did
this lack of energy  
that turns into deep sadness
nobody here
feeling me
and i am lost       
it is frosty        
at least ice keeps it safe
will it survive
till sun comes up?

può bastare all'uomo l'esistenza?

fino a poco fa non ho ben capito perché la domanda riguardo al senso della vita tocca l'uomo in modo così profondo, perché è inevitabile porsela. ora l'ho capito. ho sempre sentito in me un'irrequietezza indefinita, una tensione a qualcosa di sconosciuto a me, e ho formulato mille teorie su quale potrebbe essere il senso di tutto questo. ma non ho sentito la domanda dentro. erano infantili giochi di pensiero.
fino a quando, ad un certo punto, non ho potuto evitare di imbattermi in mille incongruenze e ammettere che in tutto questo tempo non ho neanche capito una cosa, e più che mai mi sono sentita disorientata.
non possiamo vivere senza capire, ma nemmeno vivendo possiamo minimamente capire.
continuiamo a cercare la felicità senza capire che non possiamo raggiungerla, se non una felicità malinconica, consapevole del dolore che sempre ci sarà e mai cesserà.
se è vero che l'infelicità è dell'uomo, devo ammettere che si ribalta tutta l'immagine che mi ero fatta dell'universo, di questo mondo, dell'uomo e di me stessa.
ogni cosa mi sembra sempre più vana e fugace.
è difficile accettare una cosa che non vuol essere accettata, ma forse è vero: dobbiamo metterci l'anima in pace e accettare la profonda tristezza che è in noi, accettare quella parte che, con la consapevolezza, per forza si spezza.

tra il già e il non ancora

vaghiamo tra il già
e il non ancora
cercando di definire
l'esistente
aspettando il futuro
non capendo.
di stabile c'è solo
il peso del passato
non possiamo avanzare
siamo nani con giganti sulle spalle.
puoi solo sperare di cadere
per poterti liberare
ed arrivare al presente
ma la fiacchezza rimarrà.

momente wie diese

die besten abende
sind abende wie diese
die besten momente
momente wie diese
flüchtig
wie schnell verschwindender rauch
im mondschein   

allein,
auf dieser bank
sanft schaukelnd zu musik
die an laue spätsommerabende erinnert     
die wolken
so weich
die stimme
so sanft 
fast höre ich das rauschen des meeres
wie ein flüstern
und plötzlich ist das genug,
das leben selbst
das so oft schmerzt
und bitter schmeckt.
vergiss niemals, niemals...

die besten abende
sind abende wie diese
die besten momente
momente wie diese
flüchtig
wie schnell verschwindender rauch
im mondschein   

allein,
auf dieser bank...
(im n)irgendwo.
                                             

Hello everyone!
I am aware that not only Italians and Germans are following my blog, but also people from USA, Belgium, Switzerland, England and Ukraine (and some more)and it's something that makes me really proud. I wanted to thank all of you for reading my words. I am trying to write always in English because obviously I want all of you to understand my texts. It has always been my purpose to inspire, you know. Anyways, I have found some older texts and poems in German that I would like to publish, even because I don't really have got much time to write at the moment...
I found this poem I wrote two years ago in summer, and somehow I like it. I was inspired by a very heavy illness someone in my family has that really makes him fade away. I prefer not to tell you what I meant with these verses, I prefer to let the Interpretation free to you. Poems should open our minds, and this only happens if we think and do the  interpretation on ourselves.
Thank you again to all the readers out there! You probably are more diligent than I am ;)
with love, Mitsuki




"Fading Away"

Wir spazieren

durch die schwach erleuchteten Straßen

nachdem der blasse Mond mich ans Fenster lockte

und du mich aus der Dunkelheit ansahst.

Seit heute, für immer, deine Stimme so nah, dein Körper so fern.

 

Ich schleiche

durchs leere Haus

eine schlaflose Nacht,

das Knarren der Dielen der einzige Klang.

Das Feuer ist aus, das Fenster zu, die Schritte zu leise, die Stille so laut.

 

Du

bist nicht

was mir nimmt

was ich

bin

 

Und ich sehe meinen Arm

nicht mehr,

Und ich bewege mein Bein,

nicht mehr,

Und ich fühle mein Herz….. …. … .. (nicht mehr) .

universe is beauty

a tiny text i wrote months ago... can you feel the light summerbreeze between the lines?
i was right.
life is art.

"es würde wohl genügen einfach durch die straßen zu gehen und wie zufällig zu fotos schießen. alles, jeder moment, jedes bild welches unsere augen aufnehmen, jedes haus, jeder baum, jedes blatt, ist teil dieser welt, dieses universums, und wenn nichts anderes existiert als der eine moment den wir gerade leben, weil alles andere eine bloße illusion ist, vergangenheit und zukunft, dann muss jeder moment alles beinhalten, alles was wir brauchen und wollen können.
jedes bild, welches so entstehen würde, würde seine eigene, ganz eigene geschichte erzählen und wäre, da bin ich mir sicher, nichts anderes als pure kunst. ein hauch von purer kunst... liegt überall und in jedem ding, lebewesen und in jedem moment. es ist eine schönheit, schwer zu fassen, unmöglich zu begreifen."

machtlos - und trotzdem glücklich?

ich glaube ich habe verstanden wie's leben so läuft. das heißt, ich weiß, dass ich nichts weiß! dass ich zwar in meinem kurzen leben ein paar erfahrungen gesammelt habe und viele fortschritte gemacht habe, besonders in den letzten monaten, die zu den intensivsten gehören, aber das ist alles nichts verglichen mit anderen. was mir aber wirklich klar geworden ist, ist dass sich alles verändert, und zwar ständig, dass alles ewige bewegung ist und es nur darum geht, selbst weiterzugehen und mitzulaufen und weiterzumachen und sich mitzubewegen. niemals stehenbleiben, niemals stehenbleiben und fähig zu sein, loszulassen und ehrlich zu sein und immer weiterzugehen und mitzulaufen und weiterzumachen und sich mitzubewegen. ein schritt nach dem anderen... die zeit wird dich schon dahin bringen, wo du sein willst, irgendwann, irgendwie...
es ist schon ein bisschen traurig, dass wir absolut gar keine kontrolle über irgendwas haben und so unglaublich machtlos sind.
aber irgendwie ist das leben trotz allem schön. findest du nicht?
man muss es wohl einfach fühlen, man kann es nicht erklären. so viel leid, und trotzdem lieben wir das leben. oder etwa nicht?

restlessness

i have this constant feeling of fear and weakness bubbling through my veins... an urge to break something, or simply to break out. the impossibility to be who i am is making me restless. restlessness that is turning into sadness. and i'm still crying every day because i want time to pass more quickly, i want everythig to change, but reality is what it is and will always be.
on the other side time passing by leaves me so powerless and lonely. i try so hard to let go off things but it's so hard.

everything changed, everything is still the same

this one was a few months ago. you now, you can't run away. everything will always come back to you and hit you even harder than before
so stop a moment, if you feel messed up, and breathe. feel. it may help. maybe not. but what are you to lose?

"no matter where i'll go, someone or something i will always miss. for now, missing you is not the worst part. it is the fear i have, the insecurity and uncertainty. we will meet again, i know this. but i can't stop asking myself who i will be up then. i now realized how much i've changed, still being the same somehow. who will i be in a year from now and - in particular - why? what is going to happen to me, what is my life going to be like? this year, this experience is about to end for me, soon i'll be back home. and i'm still asking the same questions. as i was leaving, i was wondering what would've changed. everything did.
nothing did. i'm still here asking myself whats going to change.
time is accelerating and i am about to fall but something is keeping me going, and i am feeling stronger everyday. i think i will manage it. to say goodbye for the millionst time in my short life and let the new come. i am excited. but i am afraid, too."

a little sad

i would like to be at home right now. if i'd know where i'm at home...
i would like so much to feel at home... no matter where, no matter with who.
but i'm not
i don't.
where do i belong? let's blow out all the candles and forget about everything for a while...
i'm tired of thinking, of being where i am and not being able to be happy with what i have right now... i don't want this feelings anymore, i wish i could accept life the way it is...

i guess i have to handle with my sadness alone... as long as i don't know what i want and what i need... with my melancholy... time passes by anyways... they say the world keeps spinning around and they are right.

i think i now figured out how life works. well, i know that i don't know anything! that i have made some important experiences in my short life and a lot of progress in the last few months but it's nothing compared to other people. but what i have learned is that everything changes. it's all about keeping moving, never resting and being able to let go and to be sincere and keeping moving, one step after another... time will bring you where you want to be.
it is a little sad that we have no control over anything and are incredibly powerless. but life is fun anyways, somehow. don't you think? so much pain and we still love life. don't you?

duality of good

good=god

duality → yinyang => god

yinyang=everything

i just wanna feel

you know what? it's just that i don't want this kind of life. i want to live freely and light and i wanna feel. i just wanna feel.

(i) go with it

close your eyes.
closeyoureyes!
close... your eyes....
and FEEL it.
feel it,
it explodes...!
atommolecularelysmall.
and it drops OUT
and it kicks IN
and you gotta....? uh!
let yourself fall...
forget everything!
oh it expands
it still swells
oh it contracts,
EXPLODES
dilutes...
(i) go with it

well

alles ist
zweifellos
anzweifelbar