a pretty new one about... yes, about what?

When I close my eyes

I can see infinity

when I open them

I lose myself in yours.

The more I try to see

the less I understand

the presence of the past

the essence of the future.

Where am I now

I found myself in the eye of the storm

where there is total calm

I get confused by everything quirling around me.

I'd rather want to be in the middle

feeling everything, not only observing

I'd rather be with those quirly things

accepting that I can't hold anything.

Illusion or reality?

what exists and whats doesn't

doesn't matter at the end

reality is what you think.

Dreams as hope and love

are nothing for the weak

the world belongs to those who cry

and do not fear infinity.

può bastare all'uomo l'esistenza?

fino a poco fa non ho ben capito perché la domanda riguardo al senso della vita tocca l'uomo in modo così profondo, perché è inevitabile porsela. ora l'ho capito. ho sempre sentito in me un'irrequietezza indefinita, una tensione a qualcosa di sconosciuto a me, e ho formulato mille teorie su quale potrebbe essere il senso di tutto questo. ma non ho sentito la domanda dentro. erano infantili giochi di pensiero.
fino a quando, ad un certo punto, non ho potuto evitare di imbattermi in mille incongruenze e ammettere che in tutto questo tempo non ho neanche capito una cosa, e più che mai mi sono sentita disorientata.
non possiamo vivere senza capire, ma nemmeno vivendo possiamo minimamente capire.
continuiamo a cercare la felicità senza capire che non possiamo raggiungerla, se non una felicità malinconica, consapevole del dolore che sempre ci sarà e mai cesserà.
se è vero che l'infelicità è dell'uomo, devo ammettere che si ribalta tutta l'immagine che mi ero fatta dell'universo, di questo mondo, dell'uomo e di me stessa.
ogni cosa mi sembra sempre più vana e fugace.
è difficile accettare una cosa che non vuol essere accettata, ma forse è vero: dobbiamo metterci l'anima in pace e accettare la profonda tristezza che è in noi, accettare quella parte che, con la consapevolezza, per forza si spezza.

universe is beauty

a tiny text i wrote months ago... can you feel the light summerbreeze between the lines?
i was right.
life is art.

"es würde wohl genügen einfach durch die straßen zu gehen und wie zufällig zu fotos schießen. alles, jeder moment, jedes bild welches unsere augen aufnehmen, jedes haus, jeder baum, jedes blatt, ist teil dieser welt, dieses universums, und wenn nichts anderes existiert als der eine moment den wir gerade leben, weil alles andere eine bloße illusion ist, vergangenheit und zukunft, dann muss jeder moment alles beinhalten, alles was wir brauchen und wollen können.
jedes bild, welches so entstehen würde, würde seine eigene, ganz eigene geschichte erzählen und wäre, da bin ich mir sicher, nichts anderes als pure kunst. ein hauch von purer kunst... liegt überall und in jedem ding, lebewesen und in jedem moment. es ist eine schönheit, schwer zu fassen, unmöglich zu begreifen."

a little sad

i would like to be at home right now. if i'd know where i'm at home...
i would like so much to feel at home... no matter where, no matter with who.
but i'm not
i don't.
where do i belong? let's blow out all the candles and forget about everything for a while...
i'm tired of thinking, of being where i am and not being able to be happy with what i have right now... i don't want this feelings anymore, i wish i could accept life the way it is...

i guess i have to handle with my sadness alone... as long as i don't know what i want and what i need... with my melancholy... time passes by anyways... they say the world keeps spinning around and they are right.

i think i now figured out how life works. well, i know that i don't know anything! that i have made some important experiences in my short life and a lot of progress in the last few months but it's nothing compared to other people. but what i have learned is that everything changes. it's all about keeping moving, never resting and being able to let go and to be sincere and keeping moving, one step after another... time will bring you where you want to be.
it is a little sad that we have no control over anything and are incredibly powerless. but life is fun anyways, somehow. don't you think? so much pain and we still love life. don't you?

duality of good

good=god

duality → yinyang => god

yinyang=everything

(i) go with it

close your eyes.
closeyoureyes!
close... your eyes....
and FEEL it.
feel it,
it explodes...!
atommolecularelysmall.
and it drops OUT
and it kicks IN
and you gotta....? uh!
let yourself fall...
forget everything!
oh it expands
it still swells
oh it contracts,
EXPLODES
dilutes...
(i) go with it

why we die

do you ever get that weird feeling when you're looking up to the black sky full of stars that this eternal beauty repays even death? i swear i wouldn't mind if my soul flied there, i wouldn't care if this would kill me. even now.
life brings us to the the darkest places but by the day of birth we get this one guarantee: the sky and the stars, a promise that there is something more, something beyond what we can imagine. it enlightens our souls and i swear, i swear i don't care that this is what will kill us. i really came to the conviction that we die just because we can't stand this beauty. not forever.

beauty

beauty isn't measured by perfection, but by the presence of life.

braucht diese welt dich?

braucht die welt
dieses gedicht
braucht die welt
diese strophe, diesen vers
braucht die welt
meine gedanken, meine worte,
will sie hören
wie ich die melodie meines herzens leise
leise vor mich hinsinge?

schritte
auf frischem schnee, auf staubiger erde
hinterlassen spuren
nicht bedeutungslos für den, der einen weg sucht
lange keinen findet
sich verirrt
deinen schritten kurz folgt
um etwas zu verstehen, was er nicht zu ignorieren geglaubt hat,
etwas zu finden, was er nicht zu suchen geglaubt hat.

fragst du dich auch oft
braucht die welt
ein weiteres gedicht
braucht die welt
diese strophe, diesen vers
braucht die welt
meine gedanken, meine worte,
will sie hören
wie ich die melodie meines herzens leise
leise vor mich hinsinge?

ich sage
schritte
auf frischem schnee, auf staubiger erde
hinterlassen ihre spuren nicht grundlos.

waking up

i hate to sleep. i hate the loss of consciousness. it's a daily excercise of dying. a daily excercise of letting go. and falling in to a dark hole of fearful weirdness.
well, i actually hate falling asleep more than sleeping. at least when you're asleep you discover your secret places, make weird journeys, you move in another dimension wich is exciting! your soul is resting, while your brain continues his work in a very free way. but lying in bed waiting for your eyes to finally close sucks. the more does the fear of the thoughts that may overcome. i know, it's probably my fault. nontheless as it seems my soul doesn't really want to rest.
because i'm too curious. i don't want to sleep, i want to see, to think, to understand. i want to live, i don't want to lose any time. sometimes i love to sleep, because i feel the urge to forget everything for a few hours, to forget to think, so i can let go this everlasting nervousness.
but i love to wake up. to a very fresh morning, a brand new day, you see the sun fighting against the clouds? an invitation to hope, an opportunity to start over again! a riminder to how damn lucky we are are and a demand to enjoy it.
#bethankful

the measurement of the sky. a praise to the perfection of the big picture and the calmness of nature

I don't always get the magnitude of the universe and the measurement of the sky, but when I do, I get confused about how mind-blowing the simplicity of the infinite blackness of the roof lining we're living under is. those pretty little lights hovering in the perfect darkness won't give me a sense of smallness or pettiness any longer, because when I look into this canopy holding us safe I realize  how miraculous this is and if it is not all imaginary, if we are really here, which I'm not always so sure about because it still feels unreal, even though in all this years I've done nothing but inhabiting this wonderful place we call earth and I can’t think of another thing to do, I still just can't believe it, for that is not self-evident at all. If it is not all imaginary, I was saying, then, I'm sure, there has to be a reason for it. Not only for it to exist, but also for us to exist, and I have not even come close to understanding what kind of reason this could be, but I don’t really think it is so important to know. There surely has to be a reason we, you!, are having this unique opportunity to simply breath the fresh air on a cold winter night, or just to feel the heat of the sun on our salty skin while we're feeling the warmth of the sand under our calm fingers... but all that counts is, whatever it is why we are here, that we never forget for even a second that even if it feels so natural, we don’t have to forget to be thankful for just one second. While we're just trying to figure out our nonsense struggles and problems in life, caring and worrying about things that are not even worth one single stupid thought, the world just keeps spinning around. If you want to learn how to be really happy, you just got to admire nature and feel the calmness of all the creatures and living beings as well as of not living beings and you'll realize that to be happy you don't need anything but to observe the greatness and perfection of the big picture. That's it. When I look up in the sky, I feel like every of this words is totally useless, futile and superfluous, because all you got to do is to open your eyes and let the beauty take possession of your heart and soul.

be a part of it

stille ist beruhigend, wundervoll wohltuend, bis sie zu laut wird, und du nur noch die einsamkeit spürst. es sich dann anfühlt, als würde sich die welt nicht mehr drehen, oder sich vielleicht ohne dich weiterdrehen, und es schmerzt - spürst du es? - in den fingerspitzen, in den venen, die deinen körper weiter ernähren, wie die zarten  verbindungen mit dem universum doch auch, dem großen ganzen, aus dem du energie schöpfst, aber du nimmst es kaum wahr und du fragst dich, gehörst du überhaupt noch dazu? wann wirst du endlich bekommen was du brauchst?
du weißt doch schon längst was du willst! hör auf ständig die gleichen fragen zu stellen, du weißt es doch schon! jung und naiv bist du zwar, ja, das bin ich doch auch, das ist kein hindernis für entschlossenheit,  hör auf zu zweifeln, hör auf! du hast die kraft, du hast den willen, du hast zwar keine kontrolle... aber was zählt ist nur leichtigkeit.

everything is supposed to be how it turns out to be

ich bin süchitg nach kaffee, zigaretten, musik und dem bittersüßen geschmack von liebe... jeden tag stehe ich auf und erkenne wieder und wieder, dass alles so ist, wie es sein sollte. jeder tag, jeder moment ist eine einladung, die einzigartige chance zu wachsen. wir können mehr sein als nur schatten in der nacht. gemeinsam können wir mehr sein... wenn wir unsere ganze hoffnung in die grenzenlosigkeit des himmels stecken, können wir weit mehr sein.
ich bin süchtig nach leben.

Alles

dann geht man raus und lässt sich gehen, und scheißt auf alles, vergisst alles für ein paar stunden, lacht über alles, vergisst auch sich selbst für einen moment, vergisst, dass es vielleicht anders sein sollte, und kann endlich glauben dass die dinge gut sind, wie sie sind, man akzeptiert, dass alles immer sein wird wie es ist, vielleicht kann man es für eine sekunde sogar lieben, wenn man sein herz weit öffnet, und erkennt dass alles eins ist, und alle verbunden sind, und es kommt einem alles ganz normal vor, und man spricht mit amerikanern, spaniern, italienern, rumänen, deutschen, welchen wert hat schon die nationalität wenn wir doch alles menschen sind, auf der suche nach momenten des glücks, vielleicht ist in diesen momenten wirklich alles perfekt, wenn alles egal ist...
wenn man nächsten morgen aufwacht und sich fragt was man hier macht, wenn man kurz alles hasst, vor allem sich selbst, nochmal die augen schließt um nochmal der realität entfliehen zu können, aber sich noch immer alles dreht und man sich fühlt wie in einem horrorkarusell, und die angst hinauszufallen plötzlich zur hoffnung wird...
wenn man dann aber wieder einen guten freund umarmt und einfach die negativen gedanken und gefühle ignoriert und trotz allem versucht dankbar zu sein, zeit kann man weder zurückdrehen noch sonstwie beeinflussen, dann versteht man doch, dass es okay ist so zu fühlen... wahrscheinlich..
sind wir nicht alle auf der suche nach rettung?
das einzige, was du noch nie versucht hast, ist zu sterben...
also ist alles was du tun kannst, zu leben! auch wenn dein herz etwas zu schnell klopft und du nur deinen unruhigen atem hörst, während sich deine zitternden finger taub anfühlen... es gibt keine andere option. alles, was uns bleibt, ist darauf zu vertrauen, dass es genau so, genau so richtig ist!

Der Vorhang

und langsam bricht die wolkendecke auf
und zart schimmert des mondes schein durch
wie flüssiges silber.    

das fenster zu einer versteckten welt
man riecht die wärme,
spürt das licht.

fast greifbar, meine ich den
vorhang
beiseite schieben zu können.

ich blinzle
undurchlässig, schon wieder, die
dunkelheit.

the rustle of the trees

the rustle of the trees
is like a man's murmur
telling you to breath again

a falling down leaf
is like a man's glimpse
inferring you that this life is not endless
but this moment is

see how beautiful this world is, the trees, the flowers, this wonderful butterflies and the stars, we are one, all connected to each other in this universe, connected to every single planet... we are pure energy♡

independence

i just wanna do things independently for i can say one day that i don't regret anything, even if time left scars. i need them to get stronger, to remember who i am. and, besides, as sun is delicious, rain is refreshing; i know that there isn't such thing as bad weather. there is no wrong path. there is just this immense universe that will guide you, that will always give you enough energy to go on, always on and on. believe in yourself and trust. so i say go on and make your own decisions, and don't take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive anyways. ;)