i just wanna feel

you know what? it's just that i don't want this kind of life. i want to live freely and light and i wanna feel. i just wanna feel.

my smile is not yours anymore

unbelievable that i believed you that i believed we could work it out how stupid you have been to think you could use me and then throw me away well we had some fun but you just went away and left me alone, but i'm far too strong i guess you'll come back or maybe not i don't care just don't expect me to be there waiting for you ha! let me laugh about you a little first and then we'll see... i may be a little too narcissistic but you gotta get that you're the lucky one if you're allowed to touch my lips remember i never forget. you better come up with a good excuse or i'll turn my back on you and give my smile to someone else.
i already did

Die Begrenzung unseres Seins

die existenz unseres ichs macht die begrenzung unseres seins aus; die unfreiheit unserer gedanken macht es uns möglich, zu agieren. unser herz, verborgen im gefängnis unserer eigenen rippen, ist die einzige, flüchtige sicherheit des lebens.

waking up

i hate to sleep. i hate the loss of consciousness. it's a daily excercise of dying. a daily excercise of letting go. and falling in to a dark hole of fearful weirdness.
well, i actually hate falling asleep more than sleeping. at least when you're asleep you discover your secret places, make weird journeys, you move in another dimension wich is exciting! your soul is resting, while your brain continues his work in a very free way. but lying in bed waiting for your eyes to finally close sucks. the more does the fear of the thoughts that may overcome. i know, it's probably my fault. nontheless as it seems my soul doesn't really want to rest.
because i'm too curious. i don't want to sleep, i want to see, to think, to understand. i want to live, i don't want to lose any time. sometimes i love to sleep, because i feel the urge to forget everything for a few hours, to forget to think, so i can let go this everlasting nervousness.
but i love to wake up. to a very fresh morning, a brand new day, you see the sun fighting against the clouds? an invitation to hope, an opportunity to start over again! a riminder to how damn lucky we are are and a demand to enjoy it.
#bethankful

Die Sonne, die Wärme, das Licht!

feuer brennt in meiner seele die sonne hat es entfacht am tag meiner geburt auch wenn es niemand sieht es steht für meine liebe zum leben und ich weiß es wird niemals ausgehen wenn ich die funken stoben lasse bis meine umgebung davon leuchtet und ich sitze hier und beobachte wie es sich langsam ausbreitet sich mit dem feuer anderer vermischt und ich weiß gemeinsam können wir die welt zu einem besseren ort machen unsere leidenschaft verbindet uns im guten und im schlechten lasst uns gemeinsam zusehen wie die welt zu einem feuerball wird, zu einem feuerball! die sonne, die wärme, das licht! nehmt es in euch auf!! jeder schatten soll uns nur dazu inspirien, nach einer weiteren lichtquelle zu suchen!

Will I ever find a home? With you.

i wanna walk into the light with you, wanna feel the warmth of the sun to forget the cold shadow's hand, wanna lie under a sky full of stars with you, wanna feel the grass tickling my cheeks while you stroke my hand, wanna let go and find myself in your arms after another sleepless night - without you.
every word feels so fake without you beside me. how is it i'm missing you even if you're right in front of me, is it that i know i could nearly touch you but just can't? my only hope are my eyes, my soul can see the world through them, and what they see is real, as long as they're open, but i can close them, and imagine another world.
everything stars from a thought. but there are so many different, mysterious ways to fall in love.
i still don't know if i finally found home, i guess i haven't, but maybe that's not what i need, maybe a house is enough to me, maybe a bed is.
maybe i just need a place where i can feel free to be myself, just for a little while, because i know that this scouting will last my whole lifetime, but maybe i can rest here to make a little lull... with you.        

independence

i just wanna do things independently for i can say one day that i don't regret anything, even if time left scars. i need them to get stronger, to remember who i am. and, besides, as sun is delicious, rain is refreshing; i know that there isn't such thing as bad weather. there is no wrong path. there is just this immense universe that will guide you, that will always give you enough energy to go on, always on and on. believe in yourself and trust. so i say go on and make your own decisions, and don't take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive anyways. ;)