restlessness

i have this constant feeling of fear and weakness bubbling through my veins... an urge to break something, or simply to break out. the impossibility to be who i am is making me restless. restlessness that is turning into sadness. and i'm still crying every day because i want time to pass more quickly, i want everythig to change, but reality is what it is and will always be.
on the other side time passing by leaves me so powerless and lonely. i try so hard to let go off things but it's so hard.

about expressing feelings and other impossible things

i guess the hardest thing for us humans is to express ourselfs. there are thousands of different languages, face expressions, we can gesticulate, well, we do have anything we need to express ourselfs. but. but thoughts can not be caught. can not be taken and given, can not be shown. thoughts can be shared, but only with those who think the same way. i find it so hard to explain. i feel like there were not enough words, like i had not enough voice or breath or space or time.
you won't need many words with those who understand you because they'll get you after half a sentence because they know you, because they think the same way, because they... they'll just get it. they'll get you.
but. but you can't show you can't say you can't explain - do you see my trouble? - i find it so hard. my thoughts are in me and i don't know how to get them out. maybe it's just me. maybe i'm the only one who's not able.
you know, i think a lot. a lot about life and love and energies and maths and the sun and the stars, about infinity. the point is, even more than think i feel. maybe i was wrong. maybe we can express thoughts, but not feelings. not with words in any case.
but we can show our feelings, with a tight hug or a passionate kiss, with a tear or a loving smile.
we all need to be understood.
i wish i could take your hand and let you feel how i feel, just for a moment, i wish we could exchange feelings rather than words.
maybe you and me, we could be able. some day.