restlessness

i have this constant feeling of fear and weakness bubbling through my veins... an urge to break something, or simply to break out. the impossibility to be who i am is making me restless. restlessness that is turning into sadness. and i'm still crying every day because i want time to pass more quickly, i want everythig to change, but reality is what it is and will always be.
on the other side time passing by leaves me so powerless and lonely. i try so hard to let go off things but it's so hard.

everything changed, everything is still the same

this one was a few months ago. you now, you can't run away. everything will always come back to you and hit you even harder than before
so stop a moment, if you feel messed up, and breathe. feel. it may help. maybe not. but what are you to lose?

"no matter where i'll go, someone or something i will always miss. for now, missing you is not the worst part. it is the fear i have, the insecurity and uncertainty. we will meet again, i know this. but i can't stop asking myself who i will be up then. i now realized how much i've changed, still being the same somehow. who will i be in a year from now and - in particular - why? what is going to happen to me, what is my life going to be like? this year, this experience is about to end for me, soon i'll be back home. and i'm still asking the same questions. as i was leaving, i was wondering what would've changed. everything did.
nothing did. i'm still here asking myself whats going to change.
time is accelerating and i am about to fall but something is keeping me going, and i am feeling stronger everyday. i think i will manage it. to say goodbye for the millionst time in my short life and let the new come. i am excited. but i am afraid, too."