waking up

i hate to sleep. i hate the loss of consciousness. it's a daily excercise of dying. a daily excercise of letting go. and falling in to a dark hole of fearful weirdness.
well, i actually hate falling asleep more than sleeping. at least when you're asleep you discover your secret places, make weird journeys, you move in another dimension wich is exciting! your soul is resting, while your brain continues his work in a very free way. but lying in bed waiting for your eyes to finally close sucks. the more does the fear of the thoughts that may overcome. i know, it's probably my fault. nontheless as it seems my soul doesn't really want to rest.
because i'm too curious. i don't want to sleep, i want to see, to think, to understand. i want to live, i don't want to lose any time. sometimes i love to sleep, because i feel the urge to forget everything for a few hours, to forget to think, so i can let go this everlasting nervousness.
but i love to wake up. to a very fresh morning, a brand new day, you see the sun fighting against the clouds? an invitation to hope, an opportunity to start over again! a riminder to how damn lucky we are are and a demand to enjoy it.
#bethankful